The Path To Enlightnement

This has been a pretty weird and wonderful week for me.  I've done a lot of thinking and asked myself some tough questions but despite it all I still come to the same conclusion...it all boils down to the same thing....I'm going to get my shot at making my dream come true!  Whether or not I'll be able to hold onto that dream when I get is another matter altogether but that's a bridge I'll cross when I come to it.....

No one ever said that love was easy because they knew full well that no matter how great it is to be in love or to feel love for someone it can also hurt like hell and can make things pretty difficult for you, if you let it.  It's all about striking a balance I guess, getting your priorities straight before diving head long into it.  But where's the fun in that?!  I've spent half my life thinking about things and it's never really done me much good! 

The last time I found myself heading down a similar path I ended up veering all over the place and ended up heading straight over the edge of a cliff so why the hell would I want to go through all that again?  Because I want to.  Because I need to.  And most important of all...because I know it's the right thing to do.  It might not be my most sensible decision ever but then nothing ever is or has been but I couldn't, in all honesty, live with myself if I didn't do it.  It really is as simple as that. 

I went through hell and back the last time and although I came out of the whole experience a new person, it wasn't pretty to watch and it brought me to the egde so many times it scares me to think how close I came to losing everything but it didn't and I'm still here.  The things I've gained far outweigh the things I've lost along the way so no matter how scared or nervous I am of doing it all again, I will do it...I will.  It's the only thing to do and I just can't wait!  If this dream is half as good as I think it is then I would quite happily go back through time and do it all again just to have it and you have no idea just how hard that is to realise!  There is no way I'd ever want to go through it all again but I would for the right reason, and this is the right reason.

It's such a scary thought but I can't give up now, not after all this.  Even if things don't turn ot the way I'd planned at least I could say I tried, I gave it my all and there's nothing more I could have done.  If that's not a reason to keep going then I don't know what is!  The idea of what I might get at the end is making me crazy and I just hope against hope and wish on every shooting star and every rainbow anywhere in the world right this very second that it's not just as good as I'd imagined but a million times better.....xx