Where does the time go...?

It's been ages since my last post and what a lot has happened since then...where do I start?!!  Well, I guess the biggest and best thing is that all my hard work and patience has payed off...I've finally got where I want to be...aaaaarrrrrrrrgh!!  it's a scary place to be as I don't usually get things like this but I'm coping...just...and with all the luck and good will in the world I might just get that elusive fairytale I keep dreaming about!

It's all been happening this week and now here I am, almost a week later and it still seems a bit unbelieveable.  It's still not a perfect situation but I'm on my way and it sure does feel good!  So all I need to do is keep plugging away and in about three weeks time I'll know if my efforts have paid off.  It's killing me waiting like this but I know it has to be done so I'm hanging on in there.

I look at his photo and I still think, "What the hell does  he see in me...?" but then he keeps saying that when we get together he might not want to let me go!  I'm not going to argue with that!!  I forgot how much I enjoy writing these things so I'll have to keep on top of them and make sure I get my daily dose of therapy!!  God, I'm so excited....xx

Mental slap!

Where the hell does all the time go?  One minute it was last week and now it's this week....jeez, it's crazy!  The individual days seem to drag in but when you put them all together the collective week seems to fly by which is extremely scary.  Don't get me wrong, I want to get past this point as fast as possible but I don't have enough time to do all the things I want to do and I just know I'm going to get the news I've been hoping for when I'm least expecting it - as you always do - and I'll be running round like a headless chicken panicking and clucking like there's no tomorrow!  Aaaaaaaaargh!!!!

So it's time for a mental slap, right?  Not sure if I have the courage to do it...it's a bit like ripping the wax strip off your own bikini line!  You know you have to do it or it'll just sit there going all gooey and nasty so you slowly reach down and grab it by the edges like it says in the instructions....keeping your eyes closed and biting down on your lip like that's going to help, then........rip!!!!!  Owwww!!!!!!

Now all you're left with is a red, sore patch of skin...not all of the hairs have been removed and you look a bit like a scalped chicken but you know that you can always tweezer the others out at a later date when the pain has receded.  You still have to go over the area with some astringent to close the pores and clean the excess wax off but you feel the relief when you apply the moisturiser afterwards and then you can attempt to put your trousers back on and sit down comfortably knowing that it'll look better in a day or two. 

I think I do quite a good analogy!!  Sounds about right....now all I have to do is get that astringent out then slap on some moisturiser and I'll be away!  Ready to fight another day!  Maybe next time I'll use a  mental depilatory cream.....xx

Time out is now over!!

Ever felt so sorry for yourself you questioned every decision you'd ever made?  Well, that was me this week...feeling so damn sorry for myself it made me sick!  So I got it a bit wrong - we all do and it's not as if it's going to be the last time it happens.  I'll do it again and again but hopefully next time I won't dive into the self pity like I have this time.  Have some pride for the love of God woman!!

So what do I do now?  It's October and Christmas is almost upon us.  My favourite time of year and the time when dreams come true...in my opinon anyway...so who's to say mine won't still come true?  So things haven't happened in quite the way I wanted them to, that's no reason for me to get all sentimental and maudlin.  I need to be positive and look forward.  If I just keep that little flame alive, in my heart, then I might just have the merriest Christmas I've ever had!  I haven't given up hope just yet but dwelling on what might have been is getting me nowhere and certainly won't help me move on.  I've got things I could be doing this week and in the weeks to come so I'd better get on with them before it's too late!  Time marches on and waits for no man so I'd better get a wriggle on and start putting all those plans into action before the cobwebs really set in...xxxx

Slow and steady wins the race...

Well, whoever came up with that little nugget really needs to be throttled in a slow and timely manner!  Slow and steady has never been my forte and try as I might, as much as I wish, I just can't seem to adhere to the quality over quantity rule!  I sound like a desperate woman but in times of need I can't always fall back on my own fair hand to help me out as I have done in times gone by.  I need a bit more than that now, so....the deed is done and the email has been sent.  I await the reply with baited breath and a hope that still burns as bright and true as it did the day I first set it alight!!  If not more so....... xx

Don't have a clue

I'm not sure what to make of this really...I was soooo sure and yet it didn't happen.  I gave in, slightly, but it wasn't to the extent that I could have done (forces were at work!) so what does it all mean?  The only thing I can glean from all of this is that I still believe it will happen, someday, but as for the matter of when...that remains to be seen.  I wish for a lot of things but this time, this year if I could have just one thing it would be him, my man.  There you go...I admit it....I wish I was with him right now!  I can say I want a fairytale, a dream but in reality all I want is him, completely and utterly. 

That's where I went wrong....I wished for the wrong thing right at the beginning....I should have wished for the fundamentals, then I wouldn't be here.  I still believe in the fairytale but now it's just a bit more diluted than it was before.  Christmas is a long time in coming but if I could have my presents early I would wish for it...right here and right now....xx

Old faithful

Like a familiar smell or a song that reminds you of times gone by, I have a feeling creeping over me that I've made a huge mistake.  It's slowly making it's way through my soul and will soon be knocking at the door to my heart just begging to be let in where it can set up camp and happily keep me company for the rest of my life....over dramatic, moi?  I think not!!

Well, you might be right there but that's what it feels like.  This happens every time and I can't seem to shake it off.  It's not like I haven't been positive and upbeat this week, it's just that when things don't happen when I want or expect them to happen I start to get a bit jittery and my resolve wavers.  I know what's going because like I said it's happened many a time before but I never thought it would happen to me this time.  I really thought I had it covered this time round.  God, listen to me....you'd think I'd been hit with the sad stick!  It's just a wee bump in the road!  I'll get over it or find a way round it....I'm not going to give in, not now....I'll survive.  I hope...xx

The Path To Enlightnement

This has been a pretty weird and wonderful week for me.  I've done a lot of thinking and asked myself some tough questions but despite it all I still come to the same conclusion...it all boils down to the same thing....I'm going to get my shot at making my dream come true!  Whether or not I'll be able to hold onto that dream when I get is another matter altogether but that's a bridge I'll cross when I come to it.....

No one ever said that love was easy because they knew full well that no matter how great it is to be in love or to feel love for someone it can also hurt like hell and can make things pretty difficult for you, if you let it.  It's all about striking a balance I guess, getting your priorities straight before diving head long into it.  But where's the fun in that?!  I've spent half my life thinking about things and it's never really done me much good! 

The last time I found myself heading down a similar path I ended up veering all over the place and ended up heading straight over the edge of a cliff so why the hell would I want to go through all that again?  Because I want to.  Because I need to.  And most important of all...because I know it's the right thing to do.  It might not be my most sensible decision ever but then nothing ever is or has been but I couldn't, in all honesty, live with myself if I didn't do it.  It really is as simple as that. 

I went through hell and back the last time and although I came out of the whole experience a new person, it wasn't pretty to watch and it brought me to the egde so many times it scares me to think how close I came to losing everything but it didn't and I'm still here.  The things I've gained far outweigh the things I've lost along the way so no matter how scared or nervous I am of doing it all again, I will do it...I will.  It's the only thing to do and I just can't wait!  If this dream is half as good as I think it is then I would quite happily go back through time and do it all again just to have it and you have no idea just how hard that is to realise!  There is no way I'd ever want to go through it all again but I would for the right reason, and this is the right reason.

It's such a scary thought but I can't give up now, not after all this.  Even if things don't turn ot the way I'd planned at least I could say I tried, I gave it my all and there's nothing more I could have done.  If that's not a reason to keep going then I don't know what is!  The idea of what I might get at the end is making me crazy and I just hope against hope and wish on every shooting star and every rainbow anywhere in the world right this very second that it's not just as good as I'd imagined but a million times better.....xx